In 1991, Bret Easton Ellis published American Psycho. In one of its most famous passages, Patrick Bateman — Wall Street investment banker, unreliable narrator, and possible serial killer — delivers a meticulous, obsessive account of his morning skincare routine. It's meant to be satire: a commentary on the hollow self-absorption of 1980s yuppie culture.
It became, unintentionally, one of the most influential pieces of skincare content ever written for men.
The routine has been shared millions of times online. It introduced a generation of men to the concept of a multi-step skincare regimen and sparked the kind of deep interest in grooming that entire industries now depend on. Whether you arrived here through TikTok, Reddit, or a dog-eared copy of the novel, you're in good company.
Here's what Bateman's routine actually contains, what the products do, what's stood the test of time, and what a modern equivalent looks like.
The Routine, Verbatim
Patrick Bateman's morning routine, as described in American Psycho:
"I use a water-activated gel cleanser, then a honey almond body scrub, and on the face an exfoliating gel scrub. Then I apply an herb-mint facial masque which I leave on for ten minutes while I prepare the rest of my routine... Then I use a rich cream to soothe and condition..."
He continues through a full catalogue of products — eye balm, aftershave lotion without alcohol, anti-aging eye balm, lip balm, moisturiser with SPF. The full passage in the novel is longer, more detailed, and considerably more unhinged. That's the point. Bateman is supposed to seem unwell. But the products? The products are actually fine.
Breaking Down the Bateman Routine
Water-Activated Gel Cleanser
A solid product concept. Water-activated gel cleansers typically contain hydrating agents that work better on damp skin than dry. They tend to be gentler than foaming cleansers while still providing a thorough clean.
Modern equivalent: CeraVe Hydrating Facial Cleanser or La Roche-Posay Toleriane Hydrating Gentle Cleanser — gel-textured, water-activated, and genuinely good at what they do. [AFFILIATE LINK: Amazon – CeraVe Hydrating Facial Cleanser]
Honey Almond Body Scrub
On the body: fine. Physical scrubs work reasonably well on thicker body skin. Honey has mild humectant and antimicrobial properties; almond provides gentle physical exfoliation.
On the face: skip it. Physical scrubs on facial skin create micro-tears, cause uneven exfoliation, and can introduce bacteria. Bateman applies a face scrub separately (see below), but if you're tempted to use a body scrub on your face — don't.
Exfoliating Gel Scrub (For the Face)
Here's where the 1980s shows. Physical face scrubs were mainstream in the 80s and 90s. We know better now. Chemical exfoliants — AHAs (glycolic acid, lactic acid) and BHAs (salicylic acid) — exfoliate more evenly, more gently, and more effectively than anything you're going to physically scrub onto your face.
Modern equivalent: The Ordinary Glycolic Acid 7% Toning Solution or Paula's Choice BHA Liquid Exfoliant — 2–3 times per week after cleansing, not daily. [AFFILIATE LINK: Amazon – The Ordinary Glycolic Acid 7% Toning Solution]
Herb-Mint Facial Masque (Left on for 10 Minutes)
Bateman's routine has him multitasking during the masque application, which is actually the only sensible productivity hack in the whole passage. Clay or kaolin masques are legitimately useful for oily skin — they absorb excess sebum and temporarily reduce pore appearance.
Mint, though, is a red flag in skincare formulations. It feels refreshing but it's an irritant with no demonstrated skin benefit. Most modern formulations that include mint are doing so for the sensory experience, not your skin.
Modern equivalent: Aztec Secret Indian Healing Clay or Kiehl's Rare Earth Deep Pore Cleansing Masque for oily skin. For normal/dry skin, a hydrating masque (sheet mask or sleeping mask) once a week is more useful than a clay formula. [AFFILIATE LINK: Amazon – Aztec Secret Indian Healing Clay]
Eye Balm (Anti-Aging, Non-Irritating)
One of the more prescient choices in the routine. Eye balms and eye creams for men were not widely marketed in 1987 — Bateman's character caring about under-eye aging is part of the satire. But the principle is sound: the skin around the eye is the thinnest on the face and shows aging earliest.
Modern equivalent: CeraVe Eye Repair Cream for basic maintenance, or The Inkey List Caffeine Eye Cream if dark circles and puffiness are the primary concern. [AFFILIATE LINK: Amazon – CeraVe Eye Repair Cream]
Aftershave Without Alcohol
This is arguably the best grooming decision in the entire routine. Alcohol-based aftershaves give that famous burning sensation precisely because they're stripping the skin barrier and desiccating tissue. The burn is not evidence of effectiveness — it's evidence of damage. Bateman (or Bret Easton Ellis, or Bateman's dermatologist) got this one right.
Modern equivalent: Any fragrance-free aftershave balm or, better yet, a niacinamide serum or centella asiatica toner applied immediately post-shave to reduce redness and support barrier repair. [AFFILIATE LINK: Amazon – The Ordinary Niacinamide 10% + Zinc]
SPF Moisturiser
Bateman's routine includes a moisturiser with SPF as the final step. This is correct skincare logic and was genuinely forward-thinking for the period. SPF as a daily non-negotiable is now standard dermatologist advice. The character applying it in 1987 is either very well-informed or very vain. Either way, his skin was probably fine.
Modern equivalent: EltaMD UV Clear SPF 46 (excellent for acne-prone skin), La Roche-Posay Anthelios Melt-In Milk SPF 100, or CeraVe AM Facial Moisturizing Lotion SPF 30 for a budget option that combines moisturiser and SPF in one step. [AFFILIATE LINK: Amazon – EltaMD UV Clear SPF 46]
The Modern Bateman Routine
If Patrick Bateman were operating in 2026, his routine would look something like this.
Morning:
- Gel cleanser (CeraVe Hydrating or La Roche-Posay Toleriane)
- Vitamin C serum — 10–15% L-ascorbic acid (Timeless or TruSkin)
- Eye cream (caffeine-based for puffiness)
- Light moisturiser
- SPF 46–50+ (EltaMD UV Clear)
Evening:
- Oil cleanser (if wearing SPF — removes it properly)
- Gel cleanser (second cleanse)
- Chemical exfoliant — glycolic acid toner 3x/week (The Ordinary)
- Retinol 0.05–0.1% on non-exfoliant nights (RoC or The Ordinary)
- Niacinamide serum for barrier and pore support
- Rich moisturiser or overnight treatment
Weekly:
- Clay mask (1x, oily skin) or hydrating sheet mask (1x, normal/dry skin)
Post-shave (replaces afternoon moisturiser):
- Fragrance-free aftershave balm
- Niacinamide serum
- SPF reapplication if going outside
Total budget for this full routine: $80–120 for quality mid-range products. A fraction of what a Wall Street banker would spend, and more clinically effective than the 1987 original.
What Bateman Got Right
The cultural legacy of the Patrick Bateman skincare passage is that it legitimised men caring about their skin in a way that nothing before it had quite done. The satirical intent doesn't change the practical outcome: millions of men learned what a toner was, what an eye balm did, and why you shouldn't use bar soap on your face — from a fictional investment banker.
The core philosophy was correct even if the specific products were of their time: cleanse, treat, moisturise, protect. That's still the framework. The ingredients are just better now.
Frequently Asked Questions
What is the actual Patrick Bateman face wash?
The novel doesn't name specific brands — it describes product types. The "water-activated gel cleanser" is generally interpreted as a gel formula that activates with water, similar to modern hydrating gel cleansers from CeraVe, La Roche-Posay, or Cetaphil.
Is the Patrick Bateman routine good?
For 1987, it was excellent. For 2026, it's a solid foundation with outdated execution. Physical face scrubs should be replaced with chemical exfoliants; the masque can stay; the SPF moisturiser was ahead of its time.
Why do men reference this routine?
American Psycho gave men cultural permission to care about skincare without the routine being coded as feminine or frivolous. The satirical framing let it into mainstream discourse in a way that straightforward grooming guides couldn't. It's also genuinely funny.
Do I need to do a 7-step routine?
No. The three-step version — cleanser, moisturiser, SPF — is effective and sustainable. The full routine above is for people who want to address specific concerns like aging, acne, or pigmentation. Start with three steps and add from there.